Unpregnant

I jinxed myself.

I knew I would. It’s these stupid drugs tricking me into thinking I might be pregnant. So I bought a 20pack of HPTs off ebay. They were so cheap, I couldn’t not, and this morning I did a test.

I was 10dpiui, and I thought it might have been early enough for a bit of hCG to give me a faint BPF, if there was any there.

I have been having a few little cramps over the last couple of days and thought it may have been this “implantation cramping” I have heard so much about. It was BFN of course, which didn’t surprise me, so I thought I would leave it until Sunday – 12dpiui.

But it turns out the “implantation cramps” are just plain old period cramps, because I got my period about an hour after doing that stupid test. Like so.many.times.before. So that made this a 22 day cycle, and completely fucked up my luteal phase, which is a clockwork 14 days, pushing it back to 9.

Is that even right? I don’t even know if I count IUI day as ovulation day. If it was the next day, that would make me only 9dpo. So the nurse was very sympathetic, and now I go back to the doctor.

I have to take this month off, which is totally fine with me. Being a pessimist, I had already booked a date with a 10 course degustation and matched wines at Marque (it was a wedding gift. I have a very nice sister) for March 6. Then I have a Hen’s the next night with the wedding the following weekend.

So now there is no need to sip on soda and lime and avoid possible harbourers of bacteria. In fact I think tonight the sorrows will probably be drowned with a bouteille of the leftover wedding plonk. Veuve? Moet? Lanson? How does a girl decide?