No, I’m not pregnant, just overstimulated.

I was reading something the other day that said weight gain can cause overstimulation in women with PCO. I have put on 10 effing KGs since I quit my job and I’m wondering if my fat arse has anything to do with the fact that I seem to be stimulating at a rather alarming rate.

30 follicles. Mind you, only eight were over 10mm, but the rest were between 8 and 10, giving them a chance to catch up before next Wednesday which is when I think egg retrieval will be – E2 was only 1180, so plenty of time to grow and hopefully will stay on the right side of 4000. Those follicle numbers are big but I’m not too worried about getting the dreaded OHSS. ( I better not be back here in a week crossing that out. Did I just jinx myself?)

But I do look pregnant. My jeans are too uncomfortable to wear, so I have resorted to dresses which are just so unflattering on a distended stomach. And I swear I got an empathy smile from a pregnant woman this morning. It’s gonna be a hot one in Sydney and she saw me fanning myself as I waited for my coffee (with my receipt for $5000 I had just paid to the clinic for this cycle. That’s enough Frequent Flyer points for a third of a return trip to Melbourne, thank you very much) and she was doing the same  – only with a copy of Famous starring KStew and RPatzz on the cover (six sleeps til New Moon. Muchisimo de excite, yes I am a sad, SAD old lady who has a thing for a sparkly 17 year old) – and I’m so sure she gave me the old “Yeah, pregnant in Summer sucks massively, doesn’t it?” look.

Actually, I was probably just imagining it, and enjoyed pretending to be pregnant because I am such a sad loser and would rather look pregnant than fat.

So yah. I predict retrieval numbers similar to last cycle. I farking hope so at least. But as I said before, one to transfer and one to freeze is the outcome I hope for. I know there are some lovely ladies out there who are having problems even getting one egg, and if I could give you some of mine, I totally would.

 

 

Stimulation – it’s not always sexy

I’m starting my stims tonight. This is the fourth stim cycle I have done this year. Two IUIs and now my second IVF. All on the same dose, funnily enough. It’s strange how just plain old Puregon without down regulation will produce 2 or 3 follicles, but add the Lucrin or Syneral to flatten things off before the kickstart, et voila – superovulation (I hope)

So again, not expecting much. I want one to transfer and one to freeze – I’ll be upset with less, and pleased with more. I know that some IVFers don’t even get that, so I’m so thankful for my apparent ability to stimulate well. It only takes one though and I have read gazillions of stories about poor responders with a two cell embryo who get pregnant. Meanwhile me and my five x five dayers are looking great, but doing nothing.

So getting pregnant and getting a healthy take-home baby would be a great outcome. Is that too much to ask, ye Gods/Goddesses? I’m sick of being Token. I have had enough. I wanna mainstream. I want to be MOR.

And on another note, I called my FS yesterday to request a script for Endone. I wanted it in case What Happened Last Time happened again. I wanted to be prepared. I have already requested to be first on the list on my day for Egg Retrieval, but I wanted the option of some Oxy should bad stuff happen. But he wouldn’t give it to me!! He started asking me all these questions about drug use, kind of tongue in cheek, I think, but I’m not really sure.

Now I’m worried he thinks I like the ‘done a little bit too much. Hey, I probably do, but I think about going through that pain again, and my hands start to sweat. I am scared. I remember what happened, how painful it was, how I thought I was going to die, and I am scared it is going to happen again.

God love my GP. She sorted me out with some Valium so I can relax, but the pain, the pain. He did compromise with some P-fortes, which are fine, but I’m just scared. And the only other thing that scares me are sharks. Not funnel web or redback spiders, not box jellyfish and certainly not snakes. Ok, I don’t like flying either, especially sober.

On y va!!!

Clutching at Straws, or, When Desperation Sets In.

CD1 yesterday, which is a good thing. And it happened to coincide with the full moon.

So like the fucking freak I am, I decided to take a run around the backyard to soak up some healing Goddess fertile energy. Skyclad as the Pagans would say, but in this neck of the woods, we call it a nudie run.

I don’t think any of the neighbours saw – mind you the kitchens and dinning rooms of all eight apartments in our block look down over the garden, but despite the full moon, it was a dark night and I’m pretty sure I got away with it unseen.

Is that weird?

Show and Tell – My Friend

So I’m trying to be a better community blogger and following on from ICLW’s epic fail, I thought I would try joining in again with Show and Tell Thursday. Only I’m in Australia, so it’s Friday. But whatever.

I’m really good at joining in IRL. Go to a party and I’m a talker, I’m good at team sports, I chat with oldies at the bus stop and the checkout girls at the supermarche, but I don’t really join online. I have my online friends, of course, but I don’t join buddy groups or anything  like that, so it has taken me a while to warm up to the whole community thing. So here’s my first Show and Tell.

Isn’t he cute!? I saw him yesterday morning while out shopping at the fish markets. He’s pretty big – the pic doesn’t do him much justice, he must have been at least one metre tall. And see the woman in the background? She was a Czech tourist and was very taken with him. He was really tame and she got up right close to him but then when she tried to pat him, he totally freaked out and nipped at her.

It was funny.

But I just loved the way he was hanging out in the car park. Doing nothing, just standing around waiting for the odd prawn or fish scrap to make its way over.  Friendly.

It’s not you, it’s me

Just wanted to offer a quick apology to ICLWers. I don’t suck as a commenter, I truly don’t, but it appears I have been banned from Blogger. I can’t access blogspot.com and so if you use Blogger, I can’t read your blog and comment.

I have rolled my IP innumerable times and I can get onto Blogger initially, but then for some reason, all subsequent sites time out.

But fear not. I am married to an IT genius and whenn he has some time – probably on Friday night he will fix it, but until then, I’m not ignoring you, I just can’t read your blog.

xox

 

Mini breaks – because we are DINKs and we can

I picked a bad week to join ICLW for the first time. I have been interstate sans laptop (it was all about relaxation) and while I tried to do a post with my iPhone, I didn’t want to put off any potential new readers with the appearance of bad grammar, punctuation and spelling thanks to my apparent lack of iPhone dexterity. Still love that little machine though!!

So a little bit of non-AC observation from a few days away.

What I love about holidays and weekends away.

Hotel beds – those fantastic super king-size beds that take up a third of the room and feel like sleeping on a cloud. Since I acquired some down pillows of my own, hotel pillows have lost a bit of  a thrill, but the addition of a down doona (We have wool at home) and those fabulously expensive and crisp white sheets is just total luxe.

Hotel Bathrooms – this one was small for a five star, but it had all the trimmings – posh soaps, marble,  huge bath, divine rain shower head that for some reason hotels can get away with, but anyone in the general population having one installed would be branded an environmental terrorist.

Discovering new things – it’s Melbourne, mmkay, so it’s not like we were backpacking Viet Nam or something. Husband goes all the time for work, and I was there exactly this time last year, but there is just something so fun about being in an unknown city. And this trip was worth it for two gastronomic delights that I can’t believe I had to go to Melbourne to taste, because it’s not like you can’t get them in Sydney. Salted duck eggs and Lescure butter. Not together, but as components of completely separate dishes in different restaurants. New flavours are a highlight of my life and I am sooooo freaking happy with these two new discoveries.

Public Transport – I love catching public transport in foreign cities. Some totally suck of course – I shudder when I think of the public bus ride my sister and I took in Los Angeles – but for the most part, PT in cities other than Sydney is great. And nothing is more fun than a tram and Melbourne has plenty. Eyes closed, I could have been in Munich or Amsterdam. So much fun. I wanted to put a coin on the tracks and see if it got squashed, but the fun police (husband) dissuaded me.

The Qantas Club – It’s just nice. Mind you the catering is getting a bit thin, and I didn’t rate the Mornington Peninsula Shiraz (so swapped to the Clare Valley Cab. You can do that in the QC) but it’s just nice and a good place to plane-spot, which I quite enjoy.

but it’s not all good times.

Things that I don’t love about holidays.

Hotel room air conditioning – It’s a rare hotel that lets you open the windows, so the air conditioning is on all the time. And it’s hideous. Dries out my sinuses, it’s cold, and even the quietest ones are loud enough to interrupt sleep.

Hotel tea and coffee facilities – cups that hold only two sips worth of tea, not even a complimentary biscuit, $10 mini bar beers blah blah. Why the small cups though? I would book a different hotel specifically if they did a mug.

Hotel TV – it used to be one of the perks of a hotel stay was Foxtel with all the channels, but not this time. They had less than what we have at home!

Eating out all the time – I know, I know. But the husband is a monster without his Weetbix and he refuses to pay $10 for them at a cafe.

Qantas on the weekend – Umm, since when do you have to pay for grog on QF?? Isn’t that what Jetstar is for? Apparently it is a weekend thing. Understandably, I started shaking at the thought of no free vino on a plane ride. In case you didn’t know, I don’t fly well. Even on the rare First Class occasion I am a total embarrassing mess so I tend to self- medicate with as much free vino as possible, but Husband refuses to pay for alcohol on a plane (it’s UnAustralian). It was tough, but I made it through.

And in other news, my body appears to have done the right thing and ovulated this cycle. So I started my Lucrin injections last night and am raring to go. But more on that later.

I’m doing surprisingly well

I got the not-so-long-awaited news this afternoon from my good friend and former flatmate.

Three cycles of Clomid seems to be the Rx and hey presto, baby #2. We started trying for #1 at the same time.

But I’m not feeling anything at all. No jealousy, no depression, no screaming, crying or even hair pulling. I’m feeling…good! Although half a bot of shiraz will do that to a girl. Gotta get my quota in before next week!

Note to self

Don’t go to Ikea. Just don’t. Every woman aged between 25 and 45 will either be pregnant, or pushing a pram. Except you.

Order online next time.

Back on the gear

Doesn’t that look like a pile of fun!!

Appointment went well. I think the FS is starting to have a bit of respect for me. He is less dictatorial and actually gives me reasons as to why we should do x rather than y. I still feel rushed during appointments, he still takes phone calls, but I don’t let him hurry me out anymore.

He was keen to go ahead with another Frozen Embryo Transfer but using a different protocol. My lining hasn’t been fab on a natural or HRT cycle using Estrogen, but I have responded well to Puregon which is the drug used to stimulate the ovaries, so his suggestion was a FET using Puregon. But I told him I was keen to do another stim – he didn’t think it was completely necessary, but when I told him it was day 11 of my cycle and too late for a FET, he agreed.

He also suggested trying an antagonist cycle, which is shorter, but I got such good results in terms of embryos during the long down-regulation cycle, I’m not keen to bugger around with things too much. I know all cycles are different, and I’d be happy with one to transfer and one to freeze (although I would be pretty upset after getting 5 blasts first go) but I think it worked well, despite taking for.ever.

The only change is that instead of sniffing Synarel, I will be injecting another drug (same thing – supresses the hormones) called Lucrin once a day. Unfortunately it’s an old-school draw-up needle style thing rather than the wonderfully easy to use pen, but I can deal.

So that’s all folks. I’m scheduled for a blood test next Thursday at 7.30am, and an hour later I’ll be jumping on a plane to Melbourne for a few days of indulgence. I’d rather a weekend in New Caledonia, but what can you do. It was cheap!!

Oh and PS, the final numbers for the changes to the Medicare Safety Net are out, and it doesn’t look too bad. I reckon we will probably be out of pocket around $2000 per fresh stim cycle. It’s a plane ticket to Spain, 3 cases of Veuve, three weeks worth of mortgage payments, a new MacBook, a built-in for the second bedroom, 3 Collette Dinnigan frocks or a year’s worth of Bikram Yoga classes. But I know my priorities.

Unpregnant, yet again

hCG less than five – no implantation at all.

But I knew that anyway.

So it’s back to another stim cycle, appointment with FS in 14 days to set it up, followed by a dirty but posh weekend away in Melbourne to psych myself up.

I don’t even feel sad about it.

I’m going to celebrate (I’m being facetious y’all) with a glass of ice-cold Moet and a bath.